If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
