I am full of burrito and curiosity
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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