There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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