...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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