dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
