K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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