I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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