It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
