Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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