Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
