garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
