he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
