i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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