Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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