I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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