Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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