I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
