I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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