OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she peed on how many people?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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