Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
