ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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