My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
