WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
