Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
