Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
