we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
