did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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