I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
