took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
