we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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