THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
