if i can run in heels then i can drive
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
