I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
