Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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