Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
