does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
