Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
