I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
