My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
