from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
