can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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