Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Enjoy the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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