Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
