they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize