Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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