I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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