Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
