I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
