i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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