Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
