Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
