GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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