I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
