Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
only if we run a train.
done.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
