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I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
