he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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