Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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