until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
