I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
