So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
