i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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