i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
