She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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