Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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