he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
