i need an iv and a liver transplant
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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