I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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