Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
