pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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