Im at strip club and am horny
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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