Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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